Twelve months ago today…

…this afternoon, my future, or what I knew of as my future, was in the hopefully-capable hands of a gynaecologist oncologist and his team. On December 30, 2013, I was told I was “very lucky”, as the surgery I’d had a little over a week earlier had revealed ovarian cancer. A month later, a multi-disciplinary team, based in Sydney, decided my pathology results suggested there was “probably more to it”…forward to two weeks later, a year ago today, and here I was under the knife again.

It all turned out well. I had my bloods checked again, and my 12-month post-op check-up with the surgeon last week. Big thumbs up and even bigger sigh of relief!

In the past week, I have found myself feeling a little weird? and reflective…about it all…I’m not exactly sure why…I’ve had the best support medically and holistically, and my family and friends…well, “thank you” doesn’t even come close to expressing my gratitude for all the support and assistance they have shown and given. But, here I am, sitting here typing this out, and I’m thinking…all sorts. It’s been a big year, I guess.

I started reading “The Alchemist” by Paul Coelho again last night. In the opening few pages, he says the following – we all need to be aware of our personal calling, our chosen path, but we all don’t have the courage to confront our own dream.

Mmm…”confront“…

Why? There are four obstacles:

  1. From childhood we are told that everything we want to do is impossible.
  2. If we have the courage to pursue our dreams, we know what we want to do but we are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream.
  3. If we accept that love is actually a stimulus – and those who genuinely wish us well and want us to be happy are prepared to accompany us on the journey forward – then the fear of defeat will be the next obstacle to overcome.
  4. And, then, if and when we overcome the fear and defeats along the way, we suddenly realise that everything we always wanted is there, ready for the taking. Enter obstacle number four: the fear of realising the dream for which we have fought all our lives.

Despite this muddle of thoughts going on in my head this past week, this is what is actually clear: things happen for a reason (our “chosen path”); and choosing consequences based on fear never works out. I actually now fully believe this; I didn’t before.

Learning to Meditate, and practicing daily, has changed my life – and, what’s tricky to get my head around now is that had I not had the experience of being told I had had cancer, or if I had found out too late, I know I wouldn’t have got to this realisation – self-belief – until god-knows-when, if at all. What a waste!!

But that didn’t happen – it wasn’t my time, I’m meant to be here, as they say. I have much to do…leading by example all the way. It doesn’t mean I wont have moments where it feels like its falling apart, or I lose my way – I have and I will – and that’s perfect; everything is as it is meant to be, and I accept that. Less “flapping” for me…I’m free.

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